Mutual Aid company Captain Chair Confessions has a new post up that made me laugh, smile, snicker, exhale, then almost cry.

I miss it.

I miss the witty banter between rescuer and patient, between rescuer and pseudo-patient and above all else I miss the banter between rescuer and liar.  Gods I miss that.

I miss the basic interaction of assessment.  I miss Erma Fishbiscuit and her 23 meds prescribed by 24 doctors.  I miss her son Bubba and his drunken insults, the relief on the face of a CHFer on CPAP and the chill you get from hearing the EMT say “I think I feel a pulse you guys” after 35 minutes of CPR.

I miss it.

From my ivory tower at Headquarters I read most of the charts, checking my check boxes that the crews checked all of their check boxes and fielding calls from angry nurses that the crews didn’t check the check boxes.

I turn off the light, close the door and head home, fire up the computer and live vicariously through you all.

Didn’t that used to be the other way around?

The post today seemed like something from 2009, 4 years ago, when I was at the height of my posting, fired up and ready to change the world!  It seems so long ago.

Turns out the world wasn’t in the mood to change.  They never got the memo, so I hand delivered it.

This therapy experiment we’ve been working on together has seen some incredible ups and some devastating downs.  We’ve shared war stories, ideas, concepts and solutions.  We’ve laughed together, mourned together and still cling to this one tiny thing we believe in above all else: EMS.

From PTSD to stress relief, from Chronicles to Seat at the Table, from Baltimore to Houston to Vegas this blog has not only opened doors but kicked them in guns blazing kickin’ ass and takin’ names.  Clinically speaking of course.

And now I wonder what it’s place is anymore.  Most of my frustrations about the system not working come out in written form to Chiefs, Medical Directors and regulators who take them seriously and many are being considered or have already been implemented.  Motorcop and I spar on our weekly video show and I get great satisfaction from that interaction.  I can’t tell even HIPAA cleansed stories because for each one I filter another pops up that fits that description.

Everything that made this forum what I wanted has found another outlet.


This forum, this community, you, helped me through a dark time and I came out shiny on the other end.

What’s next?


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