On a recent job at the PD Station (Looking at you MC) we were confronted with the standard clearly exaggerated complaint without clinical signs.

A man arrested for possession of a controlled substance has suddenly developed asthma, or as AmboDriver calls it, Acute Incarceritis.  Since our boys in blue have zero medical training it is thought that by calling me in it covers their bases.  What it does do is screw with 2 emergency agencies instead of 1, especially since he’ll be medically cleared by an RN at County.

But enough of that, let’s get back to Bubba.  Bubba was arrested off site and developed asthma after they searched his car.  When I assessed him and was unable to find any sign and catch him in confusion about what asthma is and how it is treated, he tried something new.  New to me at least.

Like out of a movie he scrambled, looked around the holding cell and cried out, “I left the stove on!  You have to let me go or else my house will burn down!”

I smiled, my EMT partner smiled and the cops frowned.  They knew exactly what the next 20 minutes would entail.

“Are you sure you left the stove on?” I asked him.

“Yes, let me go! Let me go!” He shouted.

So I called it in.  I then informed him that in the next 4 minutes firefighters will be breaking down the door to ensure the fire on the stove does not spread.  Then, when finished, the police will enter the house to take custody since the door will be destroyed.  They’ll likely take a look around to make sure there are no other hazards.

The color drained from his face as he likely recalled what was left in plain sight in the home.  I’m no legal expert, but I’m pretty sure he just got himself in a ton more trouble.

Minutes later we hear the first engine on scene with nothing showing, force entry and immediately call for PD.

I never did hear what they found or if there was even food on the stove or not, but if you lie to me I will call your bluff.  Then smile when it all falls apart, because in the off chance you do win, I still have to take you in, just like they made me take him in to get “checked out.”

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