I have stolen a peak at the new EMT Curriculum and had a chance to go through it word by word.

Unfortunately, there are a few sections missing that I feel need to be highlighted and returned to the standard knowledge base of every EMT in the country.

1.  Understanding Paramedic Humor – Too often I have restocked from an ambulance and when asked if I need anything else replied, ‘Get a cup of hot fat, the Beatles White album, oh, and bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia.” only to be handed a hot pack.

2.  Carrying heavy shifting loads under threat of vomit – Sounds like it should be day 1 to me.

3.  Resetting Life Alert Base Stations – See the big button with the yellow light that says reset?  PUSH IT!

4.  Spelling – When I ask you to copy down the meds list, don’t guess, simply recreate what you see on the bottle right there on the form.  Don’t go rogue and try out some new abbreviations or interpretations.

5. You are not here to save the paramedic – Turns out most of the things you’re reminding us of (C-spine, O2) are actually bad for them anyway.  I’m not ignoring their sat of 98%, I’m 2 steps ahead of you.  Now where is my stethoscope again?

6.  Pens – You carry them, they get tangled in my cape.

7.  Nurse interactions – When we hit triage and no one will make eye contact, block the entrance to the nurses station with your patient.  Don’t try to apologize, try to get their attention by making them look at what they need to be looking at.

8.  Stop pissing off the nurses – We’ll be back here in an hour and they’ll remember.  Unless it’s 6:30, in which case, let’s have some fun!

9.  Social Workers have it lucky – They get to sit in an air conditioned room and do the same interview we do, but 2 days from now, after our client has been to the ER 3-4 times for the same “hunger pains.”

10. When I’m hungry, we eat.

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