Glossary of Terms

I’ll try to keep this current, but probably won’t. Updated 3/2009

Jedi Vitals – When you know the patient is fine, but still need to record something, you pass your hand in front of them just like Obi Wan Kenobi and poof! the vitals come into your mind.

Mr Fishbiscuit – Husband of the ill fated Mrs Fishbiscuit, a rarity, but can be seen in the wild.

Saint Closest – The nearest hospital.

Saint Farthest – The farthest possible hospital we can legally transport to. This haul always ruins dinner.

F&B – Private ambulance company.

Erma Fish Biscuit – The elderly woman who needed a Doctor a year ago, but never went, and who’s symptoms don’t seem to match anything treatable, yet not in the green zone for signing a refusal. She’s often slightly altered, but good humored and has a list of meds longer than my…clipboard.

Fella – A person of the non-heterosexual community.

Bob, Bubba, Billy – The type of gentleman who wears a 3XL T-shirt and wonders why he is in such bad health. Also seen living in Erma’s basement well into his 40s.

Engine 99, Medic 99, anything 99 – If I tell you what unit I work on, then you’ll look me up on the busiest Ambulance list from Firehouse magazine and all is lost. Seems one rig keeps making the top 25 and it has a unique number. I’ve said too much already.

Steph – My BS Medic name. A name used by responders to communicate to one another that the incident they are working is, in fact, a no merit call. The names are used to avoid actually saying, “This is BS” in front of the patient. Other BS names I work with include: Johnny Ampersand, Fred Garvin, Ricardo Montecarlo, Woo Kie (Asian fellow who makes a dead on Chewbacca noise)

the Brass – Command Staff. The folks in charge. Many have been off the streets a little too long.

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